stuck inside your little web

I’m so extremely sick of you, I can’t even express it.

Stop fucking putting words into my mouth. I don’t ‘hate’ her, him, or anyone else. It’s just you I have a problem with. You want to know why? ‘Cause that thing you speak with, it can’t be controlled anymore. I don’t trust you, I don’t have any respect for you and I especially do not want to go back to the time we were “best friends”. 

People tell me to avoid her, to just leave her alone. To just be friends with someone else. Well, guess what? That’s exactly what I’ve been doing. Enough with the apology letters and sorry text messages. Because sorry doesn’t do any good if all you do is just repeat it over and over and over again.

Fine, okay, I guess you can be decent. But that’s only when you actually realise that I’m pissed at you. Then after I let it go, you do it again. Yup, that’s totally what apologies are for. I don’t care who the fuck your mum is, or your dad. That is not the most important thing in a friendship. Heck, I can’t even think of you and the word friendship in once sentence without feeling a little disgust.

I don’t even know anymore if I’m being the bully, or you’re being the bully. All I know is that I do not want to be BFFFFFFFs with you or whatever you call it. Oh and I’m not the only victim. Ask anyone. 

Tell the entire school for all I care. I am most definitely NOT, and I repeat: NOT, going to force myself to suck it up and laugh at your insulting jokes just for the sake of being “accepted”. Wake up. This is not your mum’s territory, or something your mum can just magically get for you. This is about you. Not your sister, or dad, or uncle, whatever. Just because you tell your mum, doesn’t mean I’m going to go back into your little trap. This is not kindergarten anymore.

Oh, and by the way, if you’re going to have two-faces, at least make one of them pretty. Yes, I know you told that one person you said you weren’t quite fond of. Hah. 

Ever heard the saying “too much of anything ain’t never good”? Well guess what, this is for you. No, not him. But you.

Okay, I’m guessing pretty much anywhere you go, people will tell you to be yourself; to express yourself; to not be afraid of saying what’s on your mind.

Yes, I do agree in expressing yourself & all that crap, but there are limits, you know. You take pride in not being afraid to say what you want, not caring in what others think of you. Ok, that’s good & all, but have you taken into consideration that what you’re saying might in fact offensive to someone else?

You’re at that point where your being “blunt” turns into just being plain mean. You don’t care what others think of you, fine. That doesn’t grant you permission to do whatever while forgetting to respect others.

At the end of the day, you’re carefree but where are your friends? Guess what: they’re long gone. You lost them all in the mists of pleasing yourself.

At the end of the day, you’re ridiculously rude & crazy ignorant.

Is it really possible for a person to fall for another after the first meeting?

I guess some people call it love at first sight or something, but what I wonder is whether feelings are mutual or it’s just that one person falling head over heels for another who probably might not even know your name.

It sounds wacky, I’m aware. But really, who are you to judge when it comes to love? All this time I’ve read at least a good 500 mumbo-jumbo about how you lose your mind when it comes to love. Lose your mind in terms of listening to love songs and actually having them make sense, or reading quotes and thinking of that one special man.

I wish I could Google how a person felt about myself.

Right now, if he knew how much I knew about him, he’d probably think I’m some weird, creepy, stalker chick. I would have certainly felt that way if roles were reversed.

Every night, I lie awake thinking about how different things would be if we even came from the same school— I’d only seen you for about 3 days or so, after all.

Notice how I said seen? Yes. That’s what I meant. Is it really possible to be “in love” with someone you only know the name of? I don’t even know what to think or expect anymore. The only chances of me even getting to see you are about as slim as the chances of the earth blowing up right this instant.

Reading your Twitter updates, I’m guessing you’re in love with someone else. So I’ll just keep it at this:

If you ever think of me, I will most probably be thinking of you too. And yes, you are 50% the reason I want to switch schools.

Love is overrated.

Okay, I guess not really. But some guys are just such douchebags. I’ve been reading the Twilight Saga lately, and I have to say. Those lucky girls who happen to be the imprintees of a werewolf is just so…lucky. Some people wouldn’t enjoy such feeling of being held down to a choice of one person for the rest of my lives, but I would gladly take it. I mean, you wouldn’t have to worry about your partner cheating, being unfaithful. ‘Cause you know he’s head over heels for you. You’re the other half of him. You’re the one thing that ties him down to this topsy-turvy world we call Earth. 

But, if i wanted imprinting to be true, then we would need werewolves. And with werewolves, we would need vampires. Unless, the Twilight Saga was wrong and vampires aren’t real. Just the wolves. That’d be okay. Or, rather, just the imprinting part be true. 

Been having lots of writer’s block lately. Staring at the blinking cursor, gah. Anyways, I just wish we would find that special someone soon enough. ‘Cause I have had enough of the crapload of ‘flings’.

So, that’s your best friend? That girl over there with her face flushed with frustration over losing a stupid game of dodgeball? Yeah, I don’t think so.

Think again, if the positions were switched, do you think you’d want to let go of all the past memories and great times you’ve shared? No. I don’t think so. But what’s up with her? She’s getting so competitive that she’s willing to hurt you, just to win this stupid game.

And besides, can’t you see how she’s treating you. Honestly, I think you deserve someone better. Someone who doesn’t treat you like you’re some piece of nothing that she can push around everyday. You know better than to let her do that to you.

Then again, you both have shared alot. Memories, bad times, the good times, and much more. I get that you might not want to let go of that. Everything you’ve been through and every little detail that completes your thoughts.

You don’t want to let go. That’s every person’s problem in this world. There are too many things to hold on too, that someday, you just won’t have anymore space in your heart or hands to carry them all.

Honestly, I’ve never watched a live concert before. That sounds so lame but it’s true. I’m hoping that special first time would be with you. I wonder what it’s like. Crowded and packed, that’s for sure. But I mean, like, is it hot (the weather) or just the opposite? Or somewhere in the middle maybe?

Oh, well. There’s always those first times for everything. The first love is definitely one you’ll remember. But with love, there’s almost always heartbreaks and disappointments. That’s the one fact we can’t run away from. Yet with all these bad stuff, we can’t resist but fall anyways. Well who wouldn’t? Love is beautiful. But the endings aren’t. 

I’ve heard those stories, where boy meets girl. They fall in love and become boyfriend-girlfriend, then boy goes off to a different country far, far away from girl. They develop a long-distance relationship. Girl misses boy. Boy comes back. And they lived happily ever after. The end. 

That was then, nowadays, i bet it would be something like: *same beginning* long distance fails. Boy finds another girl. Girl is sad. No happily ever after, just a girl left with a heartbreak. I’m not saying that only girls get the heartbreaks and the boys are the cause, boys get heartbreaks too.

But still we fall in love, nothing can stop that. Trying to stop people from loving would be like trying to stop gravity, or stopping the world from rotating, or stopping me from loving you.

This tumblr is lately becoming my online diary. I guess thats what they mean when they say ‘blogging’. I never thought I’d be so committed to this, but, well, its nice. Speaking, more like typing, what’s on your mind without anyone knowing its really you. Unless, of course you use your own personal email with your name or something. Yeah, thats not my case.

Anyways, don’t you guys sometimes feel like bursting out and exploding because of stress in life? Yeah, well, I feel that too. Like there’s this huge tornado of stress just waiting to swallow you up and sucking you into it. It’s depressing, really. Sometimes you just wanna break down and cry, or punch someone straight in the face, or just be alone and think. Even that is hard to obtain nowadays. 

Its what almost every person in this world has to deal with. Almost anything and everything I do is linked with it. Gosh, I’m not even sure what the ‘it’ I’m talking about really is. But it happens. A whole lot. 

When we love someone, there it is again. When we’re in school or work, especially. It’s always there. Even in the mall, when we shop its also there. 

Then again, we know its there, but how do we make it disappear? It’s ruining my usually less-than-awesome-but-pretty-good-life. 

Today was one of the best days ever.

Three main reasons:

1. You, of course, without a doubt.
2. Last day before the mid-sem break! 
3. Friday’s a holiday, and today’s Thursday. ;)

Okay, the first reason is actually because we, as in me and you, had a simple but sweet conversation in school. It was basically about random stuff, like, guitar, school.. It lasted only for a few minutes, but a few minutes with you is ‘life changing’.

They tell me not to get to hyped up over you, but I can’t help myself. I’m terrified of learning what you feel about me, but I do want to know. I just don’t have the courage to go up and talk to you. Mostly because you’re a grade level above me. I’m scared to ruin this not-to-close friendship we have.

Well, like I said, its the last day before mid-semester break, and as usual, REPORT CARDS! I’m pretty nervous, thankfully, my teacher showed me my grades already. Let’s just say, I’m happy. :D Know what? I’ll just tell, I got the most awesome-nearly-straight A’s babyy. I wonder how you did? Oh, well.  

Every single thing you do is just..perfect. The way you walk, in the most beautiful motions ever, the way you talk in that pretty accent of yours, and your eyes. The most amazing pair I’ve ever seen. I love the way you smile, and your laugh is the best thing I’ve ever heard. 

Just catching a glance of you for a few seconds makes me feel all warm inside. Standing next to you puts a special, warm glow around me. Watching you smile at me, wow. These little things you do that make my day.

I have never really thought about loving someone, but you changed all that. You made me experience this beautiful feeling girls talk about. You, you made my life worth living. 

Now that I’m crazy about you, you’ve left me wondering. Do you feel the same way for me too?